Quick Fire Review: Downton Abbey Season 3, Rise of the Guardians, Archer, Monster High

While I've been watching way more random crap than what I've posted on here, I thought I'd send out another Quick Fire Review to give you a few more things to check out (or not to check out as the case may be) in your free time. You're welcome.

Monster High

What the heck is it: A charming web series and collection of TV specials and films based on toys. Sounds like a terrible idea, I know, but I've watched two specials and the movie and loved them all! Seriously, the dialogue is clever, the stories are interesting, and it's funny! Plus, being a Lady Nerd, I love the fashions! (I want to be one of these characters for Halloween.... if I dressed up that is)

Who'll like it: Kids around the age of 8 (especially girls), monster fans, lovers of clever animated kids shows, people with good taste.

Where can I find it: I rented the films from Amazon, but you can find the first (New Ghoul At School), as well as the web series, on the Monster High website. I am so freaking excited to watch the episodes and see the new movie Scaris: City of Frights! NERD ALERT!!!

Rise of the Guardians

Based on The Guardians of Childhood young adult book series by William Joyce, Rise of the Guardians introduces everyone's favorite holiday and lore characters-- namely Santa, the Sandman, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy-- as guardians protecting the dreams and hopes of children around the world. This particular installment is the story of how Jack Frost became a guardian and faces off against The Bogeyman.

While the themes of belief and hope are alive and well, the character interpretations are interesting, and the animation really nice, the film lacks the wit and charm attributed to Disney, Pixar, and even Dreamworks's own How To Train Your Dragon. The humor is base, at best, and a few of the celebrity voice actors *cough* Hugh Jackman, Chris Pine (who never stops whispering!!), and Isla Fisher *cough* leave something to be desired. Honestly, I think the film would've gone up a few notches had they hired actual voice actors to play those roles. That being said, Alec Baldwin as Santa is FANTASTIC. He can keep voice-acting all he wants.

Feel free to get things done while you let Rise of the Guardians occupy your kids' attention.

Downton Abbey

Thanks to Masterpiece's website, I was able to catch up with season 3 of Downton Abbey because they post episodes for FREE while a series airs on PBS. How awesome is that?!

Have you seen the period drama about the changing Upstairs/Downstairs dynamic in early 1900's England? It's wonderfully cast, written, and shot, with rich sets and costumes. Season 3 takes you on a whirlwind of drama that will leave you shedding tears only to start laughing again when Dame Maggie Smith enters the room. 

She alone is a reason to watch Downton Abbey. The season finale was shocking, therefore ensuring I will be tuning in for season 4.

Archer

Season 3 of the wildly inappropriate, politically incorrect animated spy series Archer has arrived on Netflix! What can I say about Archer........ it's hilarious, ridiculous, and certainly NOT for children. Watch it, you won't regret it.... unless you're easily offended.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (if you have no expectations...)

As I'm writing this review two days after the DVD release of The Hobbit, it's a safe bet I already didn't believe the film worth theater prices (is anything these days?) plus gas and parking.

Let me first say..... I do not regret paying $3.99 for a streamed Standard Definition version of The Hobbit courtesy of Amazon. My love of the Lord of the Rings trilogy cemented my intent to see the its (sort of) prequel. In fact, I was pretty excited because I love the world and mythology of Middle Earth.

Therefore, it pains me to say that The Hobbit was far from exciting, interesting, or entertaining. It was a giant disappointment.

Sure, this CGI sponsored adventure looked beautiful, WETA did an incredible job with makeup & costumes, and it's nice that Peter Jackson still used sets and locations rather than only green screen. Major props to the crew.... get it? Wah wah wah!

And who can argue with Ian McKellen's reprisal of Gandalf, the stellar cast of dwarves, and the super sexy Richard Armitage as Thorin the Dwarf King? That's right: no one. All the actors did a fantastic job.

Yet the fact remains that The Hobbit is tedious. It's nearly three hours long and covers only the first third of the book in obnoxious detail. A two-part saga would've been acceptable and well-paced, or perhaps three films maxing out at 90 minutes each, but at the rate of 3 films at 3 hours a piece you might as well get the audio book and listen to it on your commute to and from work (at least you can get sh*t done that way).

Sure, there are a few good action sequences-- mainly the last 20 minutes-- but for example, the battle between the rock giants was random and happened quite coincidentally. Perhaps that's not how it happens in the book, but I'm talking about the film so stay with me!

Since movies and stories are my LIFE (dramatic!), I'm going to have my SUPER NERD moment: One big timeline inconsistency is casting Martin Freeman-- who is fantastic-- as Bilbo. Bilbo looks to be in his late thirties, early forties courtesy of Freeman actually being 40 at the time of filming and having boyish good looks. If my math is correct-- and it is because I used a calculator-- Bilbo would've been 51 at the time of the quest because it was 60 years prior to his 111th birthday. I know I know, who cares but I'm a detail person and these kinds of things get under my skin!

Plus, Gollum was given "unnatural long life" because the One Ring was in his possession, the same happened to Bilbo. So how was Gollum able to live another 60 years into the Lord of the Rings saga when Bilbo aged dramatically within weeks of giving up the ring? HOW?!

There may also be an inconsistency with Bilbo beginning his book on the actual day of his party (basically the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring) because I thought he was well into writing it when he left Frodo that night.  However, while I am a detail person, I don't feel like pulling out the dvd and piecing everything together because my cat is curled up sleeping next to me and it would be mean to wake him.

Overall, if you're a LOTR/Medieval fantasy fan, see The Hobbit. Despite the slow pace, you'll find moments to enjoy. I'm not sure it's worth a DVD purchase, but a rental is fine. I am hoping (against all odds) the other two will be more engaging so I can justify purchasing the trilogy when it's finally on blu-ray. My LOTR collection won't feel complete without it!

Obviously, if you're anything but a fan of the series, save yourself the three hours. You'll thank me.

Golden Globes 2013 Red Carpet

My first blog of 2013 and it's devoted to criticizing celebrity fashion choices........ off to a great start, I'd say!

This year's Golden Globes Red Carpet could be summed up in one sound effect: *YAWN* I could be dramatic and say something cliche like "I've never been so bored in my entire life!" but that simply isn't true: I took Weather & Climate and Physics in college-- I know 'bored.'

Golden Globes fashion consisted of black, white, nude sequins/lace/sequins AND lace, red, blue, plunging necklines, and a plethora of high slit dresses that made me want to punch Angelina Jolie in the face (What? She started it). Maybe they all had the same stylist? Fashion tedium being the case, you're probably going to hate question my choices because I went for interesting over trendy.  Consider yourselves WARNED. Don't get me wrong, trends are fine, but these beautiful women are supposed to be trendsetters and hardly any of them are taking risks. As a woman whose physically impossible and expensive fashion tastes live vicariously through supermodels and gorgeous celebs, I demand variety, dammit!

Let's go back to the basics for a moment. It's imperative clothing fits otherwise you fall victim to slang terms like "muffin top," "camel toe," or in the case of Alyssa Milano, Debra Messing, Lena Dunham, and Mayim Bialik: fat.

Alyssa Milano - Debra Messing

Lena Dunham -  Mayim Bialik

None of these women comes remotely close to the Hollywood "F word," yet the cuts, fabrics, and styling of the gowns coupled with the camera all add the illusion of extra pounds (or in the case of Ms. Dunham it appears as though she's a little girl wearing mommy's big girl dress). Camera test the dresses first, ladies!

While a great fit is... great (I'm not a thesaurus-- don't judge), hair and makeup will improve, compliment, change, or heinously murder an entire look. 

Case in point: The Bride of Frankenstein Kaley Cuoco.

Normally I'd suggest firing the makeup artist, but let's be fair, Kaley and her posse have eyes and a mirror: friends don't let friends go to a televised awards ceremony wearing a soft dress and goth makeup.

You know what real friends also don't do? They don't let you turn into a plastic surgery monster.

Megan Fox & Brian Austin Green

 

 Nicole Kidman - Angelica Houston

Beautiful women who would have aged gracefully and instead become increasingly freakish due to the harsh Hollywood criticism and immense pressure. I'm going to spend a blog talking about Botox, plastic surgery, and self-image soon.  Seriously-- Angelica Houston looks like a man.

Time to taste the rainbow of colors (SARCASM!) the Golden Globes offered: black, white, nudes/pale pink (which looks nude on camera so to me it's the same thing), red, and blue. Three of those "colors" are neutrals... someone needs to refresh Hollywood actresses on ROY G BIV. 

Black

 

Rosie Huntington-Whitely - Eva Longoria

And so begins the decent into plunging necklines and high slits....

Katharine McPhee - Kate Capshaw & Steve Spielberg

.......and it continues...................

Kristen Wiig -  Kate Hudson

..............................oh look, plunging necklines!!!

Guiliana Rancic - Helen Mirren

Like most of the mainstream films released in the last few years, many of the evening's gowns were slightly varied versions of the same thing. 

 Salma Hayek -  Sarah Hyland

See what I mean?

For the sake of practicing decisiveness, Best Dressed goes to Kate Hudson's makeup and therefore her dress because it brings focus to the cosmetic wonder that is her face. I'm awarding Worst Dressed to Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for those terrible shoes, poofy collar, and high slit even with the bonus points for dating Jason Statham and having epic side boob.

White

I like white-- it's classic. As I mentioned above, the dresses are all weirdly similar-- maybe they all had coffee and coordinated? 

Ryan Seacrest & Julianne Hough -  Carly Steel

 Michelle Dockery - Heidi Klum

As you can see, white with gold on the upper bodice was rather popular.

 Francesca Eastwood -  Jennifer Lopez

Perhaps Jennifer Lopez will someday rise above craving attention for her sexuality.

 Anne Hathaway - Lea Michele

Best Dressed goes to Michelle Dockery because I made a sharp inhale when I saw her photo. The  fantastic silhouette coupled with a detailed gold high collar was wonderfully simple: Michelle knows she's beautiful and doesn't need to overcompensate with a high slit (*cough* Heidi Klum!) or showing tons of skin like our Worst Dressed: J Lo. Kudos to her rockin' bod and beauty, but I don't need it shoved in my face at every red carpet event or TV appearance.

Nude/Pale Pink/Sequins

 Hayden Panettiere - Amy Adams

The mermaid compliments both ladies, but Amy is completely washed out. Stick to color, girl!

Isla Fisher - Connie Britton

Anyone else having trouble telling these two women apart?

Kerry Washington's dress needs to figure out its identity. Kristen Bell is an example of how the high collar doesn't work for everyone.

Amanda Seyfried - Megan Fox

Blah.

There's no Best or Worst Dressed in this category because I fell asleep while trying to decide.

Blue

Different shades, different cuts: should be fun :) 

Pale:

Kathryn Bigelow - Rosario Dawson

Draped:

Morena Baccarin - Julie Bowen

 Bright and Beaded:

Nicole Richie - Nancy O'Dell

 Dark Blue:

Sally Field - Jodie Foster

Jon Hamm & Jennifer Westfeldt

Best Dressed: Jennifer Westfeldt. Love the cut, color, and different textures. Overall, one cool dress. 

Worst Dressed: Morena Baccarin for the confusing and sad energy emitting from her gown.

Red

First up we have Zooey Deschanel and Jennifer Lawrence wearing the exact same dress. 

Wait.... I'm getting reports that the gowns are, in fact, different.

 

V-necks with trains.

 

Claire Danes - Megan Hilty

Sweetheart necklines with trains.

 

Melissa Rauch - Jennifer Garner

 Tight-busted necklines with men.

Liev Schreiber & Naomi Watts - Carey Lowell & Richard Gere

You wouldn't think the Red Dress category would be dull but here we are, so I'm choosing Claire Danes for Best Dressed because of her awesome hair. Worst Dressed goes to Zooey, Melissa, and Jennifer for picking dresses that need to be accessorized with a steamer. Why are designers sending actresses down the Red Carpet in dresses that wrinkle easily?!

Interesting

The final category is for the gowns that caught my attention simply by being different. These women tried something different like.... another color or more than one color or a pattern or ANYTHING ELSE.

No, you're not dreaming, Gabby Douglas is wearing canary yellow. And the person she hired to dress her she accessorized with a multi-colored clutch with an emphasis on magenta-- lovely. The dress is simple but in a sea of black, white, and boring, it stands out. 

Hold onto your fascinators, Fashionistas, Jessica Alba also opted for one of the other colors in the rainbow! Is it orange, peach, coral? Who cares?! It compliments her skin, the dress fits beautifully, and I love the orange lip color-- it's hard to pull off. The muppet purse is a risk that works.

I will get slack for this, but I really couldn't care less: I love Lucy Lui in this gown! It's a breath of colorful fresh air. Before you jump on the "it looks like my grandma's curtains!" bandwagon, just remember that Julie Andrews made dresses out of curtains in The Sound of Music and no one questions Dame Julie Andrews who is a grandma!!! 

The well-tailored yet clean cut of the ball gown offsets the busy pattern; add fresh makeup and a fishtail braid to Lucy's "I love my dress!" smile and you've got a fun, interesting fashion choice.

Okay, let's start with the cons: high slit (does every woman want to be Angelina Jolie?!), odd cut out on the left hip, and the ILLUSION of one sad, sagging boob. 

I love this dress and almost gave my overall Best Dressed Award to Halle Berry, mostly because she doesn't age and that deserves major props.  The dress fits her perfectly, the colors accent her gorgeous skin, the pattern is cool, and the silhouette is fabulous. It's modern art meshed with a sari.

Overall Awards

Worst Dressed

It feels a bit hypocritical to call someone the "worst dressed" when you're sitting in a comfy chair wearing stretch pants, a lacy camisole, no bra, an over-sized man's sweatshirt, your greasy hair clipped back, and absolutely no makeup. (Are you picturing me in all my loveliness?!?!)

But dammit, I'm going to do it anyway!

Breasts: the hetero man's weakness and bane of many a woman's existence. Natural ones are untamable and, depending on the size, make wearing certain necklines impossible. While I applaud Jessica Chastain's stubborn resistance against the drooping of her cleavage, alas, the girls are flailing in a sea of blue cloth with no hope of rescue. Add to that the pleating under the bust, Jessica's unfathomable pose pulling the skirt against her legs thus giving herself a pooch, and a color washing out her alabaster skin and you have the Golden Globes 2013 Red Carpet Worst Dressed Winner!!! The face of the woman behind her says it all.

Congratulations, Jessica-- you've earned it!

And the Golden Globes 2013 Red Carpet Best Dressed Award goes to...

Rachel Weisz 

I'm laughing to myself because I imagined some of you while reading the winner's name heard a record scratching and shouted "WHAT?!" in your heads.

Believe me, I'm just as shocked as you are, but I love love LOVE the retro Forties style of Rachel's ensemble. I kept going back to this photo-- the dress wouldn't get out of my head!-- and each time liked everything more and more. From the polka dot netting to the maroon nails & lips to the shoes (and the gorgeous legs attached to them-- flaunt it, girl!), the side swept curled hair, and overall fit... The Lady is a Vamp (Spice Girls anyone?!).  Plus it doesn't hurt to accessorize with husband Daniel Craig. First verse of the SG song says "She's a Bond babe"-- PERFECT!

Normally I prefer classic gowns, but I was lost in a river of boredom until I got to Weisz-- it's a risk that paid off.

I hope you had fun reading and a big thank you to Yahoo and Huffington Post for the photos. I also want to thank the celebrity beauties for being brave enough to walk the Red Carpet knowing their fashion choices will be scrutinized and judged my millions of random people like myself around the world. I applaud you, ladies-- GIRL POWER!

Thanks for tuning in-- Welcome to 2013!!

EDIT 1-14-13 at 1pm PST: After seeing other photos around the Interweb, I now realize that Jennifer Westfeldt's dress is not dark blue, but violet. Whoops! So.... I'm aware. Sorry for the incorrect categorization.