2013 Emmys Fashion

The 2013 Emmys were one of the better award shows I've seen in the last several years. It was nicely paced, touching, sometimes funny, and overall entertaining.

Unlike the Fashion.

This year's Emmys were brought to you by the color RED.

Carla Gugino & Michelle Dockery

Lucila Sola & Christine Baranski

 

Jennifer Westfeldt & Sofia Veragara

While Sofia Vergara's dress is pretty and she's a beautiful woman, Sofia's ample cleavage looks as if it's going all "Hulk Smash!" through her dress. 

                                   Winner                                                                  Not the Winner

 

Kaley Cuoco & Kelly Osbourne

Kaley Cuoco stuns in her structured maroon Vera Wang with a subtle pointed sweetheart neckline, sultry matching eye shadow, and lovely hair. Whole package right here folks! 

Then there's Kelly. Too much pleating, terrible cut of the sleeves, and the back is bedazzled, but what mercilessly murders the dress is Kelly's horrific hair.

Don't forget "Pregnant Red"

Brooke Anderson & Gail Simmons

Did a memo go out to all the pregnant attendees?

Obviously Morena Baccarin champions Pregnant Women Everywhere for choosing a gown that's the right cut, shade, and material for her body... and not pairing it with purple shoes, *hint hint* Brooke Anderson. Congratulations Morena you win Bragging Rights!!!!

Maybe it's the stylists, maybe it's the designers, or maybe I'm sick of solid colored gowns with slight trains and spaghetti straps. I mean, come on! These actresses get to wear this stuff for free or have the money to spend on expensive dresses and they come up with prom bombs like these two:

Elisabeth Moss's dress looks cheap (and that lipstick!!) while Anna Gunn is looking a little "Mother of the Bride." I'm sure these dresses cost an arm, a leg, and a kidney, yet Sarah Silverman manages to outshine both these women in a $60 dress:

She isn't even close to "Best Dressed," but Silverman looks great and gets extra points for balancing in those atrocious heels - her feet look like horse hooves. 

You're starting to see it now, aren't you?

Speaking of cheap [looking] dresses...

Amanda Anka & Brooke Burke-Charvet

Okay, so Amanda's dress would be cute on a 20 year old. The strapless hi-lo dress ages her and is just barely saved by those pointed toe heels. 

Can I just say: I do not like a curved heel, I don't care how "en vogue" it is - it looks dumb.

Brooke's gown needs different styling. That messy do contrasts too much with the clean lines and structure of the gown, not to mention she's drowning in eye-makeup and silver accessories. Simmer down, Brooke!

So who did Black & White right?

                                                                         Winner

A 19 year old. Way to go Morgan Saylor! But please.... find a new hair stylist!

And now...

Battle of the Broads!

Beautiful women facing off against one another in a Red Carpet Showdown.

(omg it's so intense)

 Amy Poehler vs. Robin Wright - High Necks and Capped Sleeves

There's an intensity about Robin Wright in this dress: it's classic black... but from the future. Smokey eyes and the longer pixie cut pair nicely. Amy is shapely and fit with a tight, pulled back part but the detail at the hips is distracting.

Winner: Robin Wright.

 Vnecks and cutouts 

 

Host Shaun Robinson vs. Host Cat Deeley

There's something about Cat Deeley's fashion choices that's always a bit off, in this case it's the sequins and cut of the dress. Shaun looks lovely but that beehive seems like it'll topple over any minute.

Winner: Shaun Robinson

 Blue

Host Giuliana Rancic vs Host Maria Menounos

Giuliana is grossly thin. I'd rather see her covered up than stare at every uneven surface of her bones. Maria is lovely and rocking quite the elegant fishtail braid and beyond gorgeous bling.

Curves

Christina Hendricks & Alfre Woodard 

Alfre chose the wrong color combo and the dress hangs limp. Christina is champion of working those curves. Winner!!!

Sheer

Lena Heady and Julianne Hough

Sheer is hard to pull off no matter what, but Julianne is just a friggin' mess, as if she was interrupted from disrobing when they opened the door to the limo as she arrived at the red carpet. Lena is edgy in general so it's not surprising she'd go for a risque look.... but compared to Hough she's a church nun.

 Those added details...

It's as if someone who loved hot gluing crafts got hold of Aubrey Plaza's boring dress and began adding fake flower petals for a touch of color then stopped. On the other hand, the detail on Kerry Washington's dress creates a lovely, whimsical gown.

White

Sandrine Holt looks as sad as that stringy material hanging on her body. Kate Mara has made white interesting but there's a lot going on. Neither win.

 Tiny Necklines

Why women insist on necklines that make their busts appear teeny tiny I will never know. Cobie Smulders in blush still looks beautiful while Zosia Mamet looks as sad as that tie dyed mess of a dress. It's cool if you want to be different but show some damn pride in yourself!

Blue Mermaid

This is one of those times Tina Fey decided to look good for the show - and she does but it's nothing special. Rocsi Diaz is smokin' and the dress reminds me of flower petals.

Beige

Beige is boring - that is all.

Sister vs Sister

Though Sarah Hyland is the stylish on-screen sister of nerdy Ariel Winter's character in Modern Family, her over-tanned body and mannequin like, botox injected face (fake boobs too?) cheapen the lackluster green gown. Whoever is telling these young starlets to get plastic surgery and botox needs to shut their faces and rethink their priorities

Ariel in contrast looks fresh, young, and elegant in pink chiffon - hands down winner.

Off-screen sisters Zooey and Emily Deschanel each put their twist on dusty blue gowns. Emily looks classic in lace and a loose up-do while Zooey's 60's inspired hair and makeup add glamour to an interesting gown. DRAW.

 Hot Messes

Gia Coppola

Besides the unkempt hair, terrible structuring of the dress, and poor color choice, the shadow on the material makes it look like she has.......... an erection.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Jessica Pare and the wrinkled material dress that appears to be eating her!

(but the shoes are fab)

Some people wrap themselves in gold foil and call it a dress. That's cool.

Then there's this....

I don't..... um.... I really have no idea what to say.  

Just say no to drugs, kids.

I think Lena Dunham's choices might be part of ironic comedy... I hope. This is just terrible, made worse by that makeup and horrible haircut.

Hey Claire Danes! Nice sternum! 

Seriously, how can you wear no bra yet still have boob spillage? Nothing is right about this.

Elegant

On a positive note, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is as beautiful as ever. This woman does not age!

Rose Byrne - who is beyond TINY (written in all caps makes that ironic!!) - is simply amazing.

 Guess who's having a bad hair day?

Betsy Brandy and Vera Farmiga!

 These heads belong on different bodies: 

(A little dark Game of Thrones and True Blood humor for you all) But seriously, the dresses are nice, the hair and makeup are nice.... they just don't belong together.

So Close and Yet...

Julie Bowen looks nice but the peach color washes her out and the material on the bottom is swallowing her tiny frame. Malin Ackerman is okay... but the color is wrong.

On TV I didn't mind Connie Britton in this dress because I didn't notice the crushed velvet. Ugh.... crushed velvet looks good on NO ONE.

So now it's time for Best and Worst Dressed.

Worst

Congrats Julianne Hough! You are the Worst Emmys Dresser of 2013!!! Your dress makes me sad and you like you're wearing granny-panties. Learn from this.

Best

Zooey Deschanel!

Everything about her is elegant, vivacious, and still unique to Zooey. Well done!

So that's that. I hope you've enjoyed this Fashion Post as it's taken me hours to write the damn thing! Leave comment and tell me your hits and misses on the Emmys Red Carpet... or just say hi.

Bride & Prejudice film: August P&P Pick

While I have a particular weakness for Indian RomComs, I'd never actually seen a Bollywood production, and since I didn't have time to read any P&P JAFF I thought I'd watch some.

A little about Bollywood:

These films are HUGE productions with large budgets, lots of colorful costumes, and many many so many frickin' musical numbers. Like every five minutes for the first half of the almost three hour film.

Bride & Prejudice is a modern and interesting interpretation of Jane Austen's classic love story; if you're going to choose a present-day culture to set a story about a "Mama" trying to find four (Kitty was left out of the movie) daughters excellent marriages, India makes sense.

William Darcy is a rich American hotel mogul whose come to India with Balraj (Bingley) and his sister Kiran-- played by the amazing Indira Varma from Luther and Rome)-- for a huge wedding in which Balraj is best man. Balraj and Kiran are wealthy, well-connected, career driven Londoners. While in India, Darcy hopes to take a side trip in order to purchase a hotel. At the wedding, two of the bride's attendants are Lalita (Elizabeth) and Jaya (Jane) Bakshi. The men see the women, and BOOM, love makin' MAGIC.

Many of the plot points in Bride & Prejudice remain the same: Johnny Wickham shows up, Mr. Kohli (Collins) from LA gets rejected, and Jaya's heart is broken. You and I both know how it ends, but there are plenty of differences: Wickham actually got Georgiana pregnant, the character of Lady Catherine takes the form of Darcy's mother, and Kiran has no real interest in Darcy other than friendship.

If I'm being blunt (and I usually am), skip Bride & Prejudice. The film was far too long, the amount of musical numbers began to grate on my nerves, and the acting by New Zealander Martin Henderson playing Darcy was bad. It was frustrating seeing Literature's sexiest 18th century hero as a subpar, boring character with absolutely no chemistry between him and Lalita. I would've been more interested in a Bollywood adaptation with no Western influences. There's still plenty of Pomp and Circumstance, the music is good when not inhibiting the progression of the story, and the film is in English if you're not a fan of subtitles. However, I'd suggest subtitles anyway because many of the actors have thick accents and talk fast, plus the songs are in Hindi.

Not my cup of tea but if you happen to love Jane Austen and Bollywood, this one's for you.


Rating: 2 out of 5 Ribbons

Cards Against Humanity

As young adults grow into not-so-young adults, we begin to look for purchases that are investments. How much can I get for my money? For example, a house to use as equity, an electric toothbrush to cut down the risk of cavities and gum disease, an expensive mattress that'll last 20 years and won't give you back pain, a time share.... you get the point.

If you can buy no other luxury for the rest of the year (thank goodness it's almost September),  invest in some fun:

For those of you unfamiliar with the best.game.ever., Cards Against Humanity is a demented politically incorrect version of the card game Apples to Apples. It's the end result of a Kickstarter project from a few Highland Park High School Alums (go Chicago!!). If you are a horrible person (and I have a sneaking suspicion you are) and have horrible friends, you have no excuse NOT to buy Cards Against Humanity.

You will laugh. You will cry (with laughter). And if you're like me, you'll probably have to explain racy terms like necrophilia, smegma and queefing (okay so I had to have that one explained to me..... at least I learned!) to an open-minded yet prudish mother.

Awkward. 

Remember when I talked above about investments? When purchasing this game you have two options:

1. Buy that sucker from Amazon or another online retailer that sells it: $25 for the game, $10 for each expansion pack (there are two.... for now).

2. Download it for free here and print it out.

You may be thinking "Now I can spend my last fifty fun dollars on a month's worth of Starbucks and get the all this fun for free!"

Not so fast.

Once you weigh the cost of ink, paper, time & labor to cut that shit up, against how well you and your drunk friends will care for those flimsy cards once you get a game going, your best option is selling out and going for the mass produced pack. Take my advice as I am almost always right.

WARNING: Cards Against Humanity is not for kids, the easily offended, people who take themselves too seriously, the annoyingly competitive game player, individuals who consider themselves "classy," or your Grandma (unless she's a dirty old lady). 

Seriously guys, it comes with a "17+" label.

It's inappropriate fun for the sake of inappropriate fun and as long as I have dirty-minded, incredibly offensive friends and family, I will be playing this game for years to come.

Rating: 5 out of 5 Dirty Jokes

*This was a purchase based on the recommendation of a friend (yes, I have one or two), and I am in no way affiliated with the creators of this game which is a damn shame because they seem like a hoot.

Blog Hop

Are you missing my posts??

So sorry I've been AWOL but come Sept. I'll hopefully have my shit together long enough to write more than a couple blogs for the month.

But I make no promises.

Anywho, my beautiful, dinosaur loving friend Lori has this great blog that's just A Little Slice O' Special. She asked me for a guest post and BOOM! I delivered.

Totally beautiful, amiright?!?!?!

Head on over to her section of the Interweb to see how I make fruit salsa and my Top 10 Songs of the Summer.

Summer Squash Pasta Salad

I love pasta salad.

So so much.

Like, if I wasn't already married, and I loved food more than men, I'd marry Pasta Salad. For serious.

While this isn't my favorite pasta salad recipe-- I'll post that one in the weeks to come-- the simplicity of this Summer Squash Pasta Salad makes it a close second. Fresh herbs, veggies, and a homemade dressing give this dish a cleaner taste. Plus it's frickin' beautiful:

To turn this salad into a light summer meal, I boiled and shredded a few chicken breasts... or were they boneless thighs?........Whatever. Shred some chicken and add it in.

Mmmmm.... and it's even better leftover.

I wish I could take credit for the roll-ups too... but I cheated and got them from Jewel. Take advantage of this recipe if you grow fresh herbs in your garden - Bon appetite!

Summer Squash Pasta Salad

1 box farfalle 

1 yellow squash - cut into small chunks

1 zucchini - cut into small chunks

1 small jar of sun-dried tomatoes in oil or water - diced

1/2 cup packed flat leaf parsley - chopped

1 cup packed fresh basil leaves - chopped

2 chicken breasts - cooked and shredded

1 Tbsp Olive oil

freshly ground pepper to taste

Cook pasta al dente as directed. Toss in olive oil and pepper.

Dressing

2 Tbsp apple cider vinegar

2 garlic cloves, crushed lightly and quartered

1 tsp stone ground mustard

1/2 tsp salt

1/8 tsp black pepper

1 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp dried basil

1/2 cup olive oil

For the dressing, add the vinegar to a blender and replace lid. Turn on blender and add one at a time thru the feed opening: garlic, mustard, oregano, basil, salt, and pepper. Leaving the blender running, add olive oil in a slow thin stream.

Toss together pasta, yellow squash, chicken, zucchini, tomatoes, basil, and parsley with enough dressing to coat..... okay, that's what the recipe says, but what does it know?! Use all the dressing-- take a risk!