P&P September Post (late as usual....)

Okay but I have an excuse: I've been CRAZY job hunting and just started a new job at a Christian bookstore. We also celebrated Michael's birthday on the 24th with tasty Mexican food, cocktails, and cherry pie!!!

And I beat Diablo III..... so there's that.

Anywho, I DID manage to read and finish a P&P JAFF book: Pride and Prescience: Or, A Truth Universally Acknowledged by Carrie Bebris.

At the wedding breakfast celebrating the nuptials of Mr. & Mrs. Darcy-- and of course the Bingleys-Caroline Bingley does her damnedest to steal Elizabeth's thunder by announcing her engagement to a rich, friendly American. Keeping in line with Caroline's theme of "whirlwind romance," they plan to be married in a week, resulting in both the Bingleys and Darcys delaying their honeymoons in order to attend the event. Unfortunately Caroline's marital happiness is short-lived after several incidents of bizarre behavior frighten her betrothed, family, and the Darcys. Is Caroline Bingley really going insane, or are far sinister motives at work? It's a mystery only Mr. & Mrs. Darcy can solve.

~

I enjoyed Bebris's writing, capturing both Elizabeth's wit as well as the newlywed dynamic between her and Darcy. And by that I should clarify that I don't mean sex though there's some cute flirting; it's the feeling out of each other's personalities and learning to work as a husband/wife team. The story itself was a fun, easy read with a few eerie moments and a couple intense scenes... not to mention a bit of murder and intrigue! Putting the Darcys in a mystery is a clever idea and worked well.

However, it was predictable which is a problem I run into a lot with JAFF. There was one supernatural twist at the end that threw me because the book doesn't have a supernatural tone, and I'm curious to see if Bebris carries that over into the rest of the series. That's right: SERIES. There are 6 total books in this mystery series, each one involving characters from every Austen novel. I've begun Suspense and Sensibility and so far I'm enjoying the direction of the plot. I'm hoping Bebris's storytelling matures as the I continue through each book.

50 Shades of Grey

It's true. I succumbed to the hype and controversy around the 50 Shades trilogy and bought them for my Kindle. The same thing happened when the fourth Twilight book came out and I wondered why people were lining up at Borders for a midnight release. While I'm quite aware that popularity has nothing to do with quality, I'm intrigued when a bunch of my friends and family are talking about a book/movie/band/whatever. My curiosity backfired with Twilight as I did not enjoy the series as a whole (Eclipse wasn't so bad).

The irony of my Twilight experience is that 50 Shades was originally Twilight fan fiction; a trivia tidbit I wasn't aware of until AFTER I purchased the book. In fact, E.L. James actually admits these scenes started out as her mid-life crisis fantasies. Obviously things-- like the characters' names-- have been changed and adjusted to turn this Edward and Bella "what if" tale into its own highly marketable trilogy. Though perhaps the true appeal of books like Grey and Twilight is that they help other women deal with their own mid-life crises. At least they're cheaper than a sports car.

Anyway, this is a review for the first book and I'm already off topic.

***WARNING: the following contains the use of sexually explicit words. Read at your own risk***

Book One introduces readers to the awkward and bookish Anastasia Steele who is about to graduate college with (surprise surprise) a degree in English. If you've never read the books and are assuming Ana is clumsy, isn't really popular but has a beautiful and popular best friend, prefers books to parties, has unruly hair, and is beautiful but doesn't know it because of her self-esteem issues... you would be correct. YAWN. This female-type is cliche and boring. There's this need for women writers with their own self-esteem issues to prove that nerdy girls can get the hot, rich, successful, and brooding Prince Charming (and pretty girls can suck it).

Guess that's why these books are fiction.

It's obvious James is writing herself into this character, especially with Ana's inner dialog. She says "Holy Crap/ Fuck/ Shit" a lot. To the point where I want to slap her and say, "you're an English major, dammit! Use your words!" Although Ana is one-dimensional, she's still far more proactive and intelligent than Bella Swan (like that's much of stretch). When she's not busy mentally contradicting Christian's praise of her beauty ("how can a Greek god want me?"... blah blah blah), Ana has a sharp wit that only comes out in her email flirtations with Christian Grey. Actually, I could read an entire book of their emails, that's how much I love them. And be sure to read the subject line and Christian's email signature-- they change with the conversation.

Christian Grey, on the other hand, is interesting and has me wanting... to know more about his back story. Though at times he comes off as a little too capable of saying the right words at the right time in the most unrealistically romantic way. And while there's an amusing ongoing joke about his stalker tendencies, Christian's jealousy and possessiveness would be restraining order worthy in the real world. Like I said: FICTION.  In terms of other Twilight character tie-ins, yes, there is a "Jake," a free-spirited mom and serious but loving (step)dad, a "perfect" family, an "Alice," and in Book Two a James and Victoria, though they're not together.

On to story. With a romance paralleling Bella and Edward, it's predictable, cheesy at times, and rather boring. I was going to title this blog "50 Shades of Mediocre" as the subplots go nowhere and the main story line is simply about a virgin girl whose first boyfriend happens to be rich and into kinky sex. Rather than a cliffhanger, 50 Shades of Grey ended so abruptly it seemed like someone literally interrupted the story. As if the trilogy was one long book that someone ripped into thirds. It didn't hold my attention either-- I began reading the first book 2 weeks ago and stopped for the last week and a half because I lost interest.

Also, E.L. James pays homage to another sexually charged romance:  The Thomas Crown Affair remake starring Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo. First, Anastasia finds her favorite brand of tea (yes she drinks tea... what a surprise!) at Christian's and mentions being a "foregone conclusion." It's subtle but I've seen TCA so many times that I knew exactly where that line came from. Then there's the glider scene-- it's almost an EXACT rip off of the glider scene in TCA. If you haven't seen TCA you will have no idea what I'm talking about, but I highly recommend skipping these books and going for that film.

And that brings me to the sex (which is all you really wanted to know about, be honest).  While there are quite a few explicit sex scenes, calling them pornographic is dramatic. It sounds as if there's sex on every page when in actuality there is a rather simple story with generic characters who use repeated dialog. Perhaps it's more soft core literary porn.

James also attempts to class-up the sex scenes by not using crude vocabulary like "cock" and "tits," as well as avoiding the technical genital terms of "penis" and "vagina." Instead, she refers to them as Ana's "sex" or "gender" and Christian's "length." Yet she does use the word "clitoris." Guess there isn't a pretty nickname for that one.  The humor behind the sexual relationship-- making Ana sign an NDA and writing out an explicit "Indecent Proposal" contract-- is highly amusing. Plus I enjoyed reading Ana's inner struggle with finding pleasure in (limited) pain and wondering if it's wrong. That's where her character dimension comes out.

Being written by a woman, Christian knows what he's doing in the bedroom to please a female, so I see where many women find that sexy. Honestly, men could use them as a reference on how to please their women so they don't have to turn to the likes of Christian Grey and Edward Cullen.

If what I've told you sounds appealing or at least something you can deal with, the first book is worth a read.  Borrow it if you can.  No, 50 Shades of Grey isn't great literature and E.L. James is certainly not the next J.K. Rowling or this century's Jane Austen, but these are sexy summer books to read on vacation or relaxing in your A/C filled home during the crazy heatwave. Sure, there's sex, but a little S&M never hurt anybody, right?

Booking for Looks

As I pondered about the idea that Heaven is a Bookstore, I remained quite aware that I was on earth in a REAL bookstore full of scrumptious new reads I was DYING to take home. Walking into a Barnes & Noble with a credit card is extremely dangerous for me. There are so many books I want to read, so much I want to know, so many stories that need to be told!

Hence why I'm the weird chick taking pictures: I want to remember all the books that catch my eye so down the road I can look for them when I return with someone else's money gift cards (or search for them on Amazon... shhhh don't tell).  Though I have a Kindle and highly recommend the convenience and ease that comes with an eReader, it's still comforting to hold a book in your hands.

It's hard to resist a gorgeous hardcover with a colorful illustration...

... or a newly printed version of a Jane Austen classic. If I was a billionaire I'd continuously buy copies of all Austen novels and dedicate an entire floor of my 3-story mahogany library to her and her fan fiction. Don't judge.

 

I really wish bookstores had a designated "Jane Austen Fan Fiction" section since new books are constantly being published. It's a chore trying to find JAFF amidst the hundreds of other books in the Fiction/Literature section. But it's worth my frustrating persistence when I find a good one.

I also love books set in Ireland (like The Last Storyteller): I have a thing for Irish fiction. That's why I love Maeve Binchy-- all her books take place there since she's, you know, IRISH. So if you're weird like me and enjoy books set in the Land of Blarney, read her.

When I'm not dumping all the Fiction/Lit books on the floor trying to find the next JAFF book for my collection or an Irish love story, you can find me scouring the Young Adult Lit section as I'm also a YA junkie. These books have the BEST covers and I'm a sucker for beautiful cover art. That's what attracts my attention in the first place-- take heed book publishers!

This Kingdom Keepers series combines YA with Disneyworld, making me giddy with geeky delight! The Extraordinary Education of Nicholas Benedict is the fourth in an installment of books about children with high intelligence and gifts that very bad people want to exploit. They're being protected by the Benedict Society as puzzle-filled adventures ensue. For a YA book, it's a pretty intelligent read... or I'm really dumb... either way, check it out!

Naturally, I progressed from children's books and wandered into the Romance section (why are they next to each other?!). I usually avoid Romance... which is so judgmental and wrong of me because I'd probably LOVE these books too.

I found this little beauty about a man who wakes up after a Halloween party to find he's been turned into a vampire by the beautiful woman he thought was wearing a vampire costume. 

The real question is... how do you NOT want to read that book?!

Finally, these were sitting on the Best Selling Paperbacks table and I ALMOST bought them:

Have you read the 50 Shades trilogy?! Most of my friends are and I'm overcome with curiosity. However, I was also overcome with the same curiosity about the Twilight series and those books were a big fat fail (except Eclipse). But the trilogy is $30 on the Kindle... maybe a birthday present to myself??? I think so.

Heaven is a Bookstore

While wandering through Barnes & Noble at the Americana the other day, it suddenly occurred to me that I would be perfectly happy if Heaven is a giant bookstore. And of course by "bookstore" I mean "bookpalace."

This never-ending store holds every book to ever exist (or is still being published) in every language, alive or dead, while constantly smelling like coffee and old books without the dust. Books are never out of stock or out of print, they're all free, and each one has that slightly worn, slightly "loved" charm of a book from a used bookstore. Although time is irrelevant in the Afterlife, there would be periods of daytime with rich natural sunlight flowing in through huge windows, as well as a nighttime of cozy, warm, soft lighting that never strains the eyes.

And you will always find a chair. Not just any chair, though, a big comfy chair with a blanket that could have been knitted only by your grandma, a cushy ottoman for your feet, and a little table with a lamp next to each one. Some are gathered together for book clubs or socializing in the cafe, others are next to fireplaces and windows, and still others are tucked away in hidden corners only you know about. Whatever seating you want you'll find.  For those that love reading outside, the store has beautiful grounds with any number of outdoor lounge chairs or trees for you to lay under, and the weather is always exactly what it should be.

Like any decent bookstore worth its salt, there's an excellent cafe serving the finest coffee, espresso, tea, etc. you could ever want at no charge. In my case, all the Seattle's Best caramel lattes and Starbucks iced white mochas I can drink. You can even get a glass of red wine to sip while enjoying a sexy romance novel (yes, those will be allowed: Heaven doesn't censor). The food menu ranges from homemade fresh-baked pain au chocolat to organic soups and salads to free range organic chicken or vegetable paninis. Since it's Heaven, you can order whatever you want and it'll be just the way you like it. And everything is calorie/fat/sodium/cholesterol/preservative/cruelty free.

No one actually works at the bookstore but anyone will be able to help you find a book. And the book signings... every author imaginable, from Plato to the Apostle Paul to Chaucer to Austen to Tolkien to Rowling, will have regular meet & greets. But conversations will never rise above a gentle hum, despite unending conversations and group discussions. Music will play as well-- whatever music you need to enjoy a good book or relax and sip coffee or discuss esoteric poetic themes and philosophical questions.

Our cats and dogs and other furry friends will wander around, ready to curl up in our laps and have us absentmindedly scratch their ears while we read.

Yes. Heaven is a bookstore.