Jambalaya (and my review for "Slow Cookers for Dummies")

This is a two-part blog, the first being a review for "Slow Cookers for Dummies" and the second is my recipe for Jambalaya that I adapted from SCFD (hence the review). So there.

Slow Cookers for Dummies

After expressing my dire need for a more current slow cooker book, my wonderful mother-in-law sent me this book full of slow cooking tips, tricks, and recipes. As I am not a "slow cooking dummy," I'm going to be honest: I have not read the text book information on crockpots and how they work. There could be oodles of slow cooking secrets hidden within the pages of endless text, but as to what they are, I am clueless.

One of my weaknesses My ONLY weakness in this world is that I do not learn well through reading; put another way, I learn best visually (pictures!) and kinetically (aka by doing it). Sadly, SCFD doesn't have pictures. 

Sidebar: I think all cookbooks should have pictures of EVERY RECIPE! I want to know if that casserole I made is supposed to look like sewage.

Thus, I jumped into the recipe section and started guessing what might taste good. So far, I've made an excellent vegetarian chili that I forgot to photograph and probably won't make again because my husband doesn't like all the beans that make him (us) gassy. I must say, bean farts are really painful-- you know you were thinking it! And I also made Jambalaya.

My one MAJOR complaint about the recipes in "SCFD is that each recipe requiring vegetables (onions, peppers, garlic) directs that you sauté everything first. The whole point of a slow cooker is to save time and effort by slowly cooking your food! Which makes me wonder if "Slow Cookers for Dummies" was actually written by dummies.

On the plus side-- the food is great. With a little tweaking, I've got a great selection of current dishes to make and serve in my crockpot.

Jambalaya

For whatever reason, I occasionally crave New Orleans style cuisine even though I've never been there. Jambalaya is at the top of that list because I happen to love spicy sausage, shrimp, and peppers. 

If you frequent or are from New Orleans, you'll probably eat this and say "What the fuck?!" but for those of us who just love tomatoes, sausage, shrimp, and spices, it's delicious. This isn't the exact recipe from the book: I changed a few ingredients and a bit of the process, but the overall result was delicious. Enjoy!

1 lb. pre-cooked and deveined shrimp, tails removed

12oz pkg fully cooked andouille chicken or chicken apple sausage, diced

1 green pepper, chopped

1 large onion, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced

1 Tbsp parsley

1 tsp thyme

1/2 tsp kosher salt

1/4 freshly ground pepper

Hot Sauce (I used Sriracha because it's what I had) 

28oz can crushed tomatoes

1 cup instant rice

Combine everything but the shrimp in your slow cooker. Cook on Low for 3 hours. Once cooked, add the shrimp and cook 20 minutes more until shrimp is pink. Serve.

Tips

•  I suggest buying a 1 lb. bag of frozen shrimp to save $$$
• When choosing a hot sauce, pick what you like and choose whatever level of spice you want. If you're not sure, start with 1 teaspoon.
• If you're not a fan of instant rice, omit the rice from the slow cooker. Cook the rice to package directions on the stove or with a rice cooker and add it to jambalaya when you add the shrimp.

Disney Baby

Not to be mistaken for my catchphrase: "Disney, baby!" Another classic example of why punctuation is important.

Now that I've reminded you of all those years you were forced to study dangling participles, conjunctions, and the Oxford comma, let's get to the point: SHOPPING! More specifically, baby shopping which, in my opinion, is the most fun ever in all the Universe!!! Can shopping for tiny clothes, tiny shoes, and tiny hats get any cuter? 

YES.

Just. Add. Disney. 

Gather Mickey and the Gang, Winnie the Pooh (and Eeyore too), all of our Pixar heroes, and suddenly shopping for babies goes from cute to MAGICAL. Disney Baby has been around for awhile but only online. So imagine my giddy excitement when I found out a Disney Baby Store would be opening at the Americana (our local fancy-pants shopping center that I apparently never blogged about). Take that giddiness and times it by a million when I discovered this was the flagship store!

I've never been one that needs the latest trendy thing before everyone else... BUT, I love Disney and it will be wonderful watching the growth of this branch of the company.

  

Almost bought a pair of these!

 

Ever since I watched the Tinker Bell films, I've been in love with all things Pixie Hollow.

Wishing they had these in plus-size adult.

DB also had a great selection of Classic Pooh.

 

 

As always, the store has that atmospheric charm Disney does so well.

I spent most of my life rejecting the idea of having children. Then I met my husband-- he makes me want to be a parent because I believe the world will be a better place with a few more people like him. My husband and I hope to start trying for kids next year! Crazy! Don't hold me to that because we have to cement a few aspects of our life first, but we're both feeling the urge to raise a family of animals AND children!

Los Angeles: Year One

It's no secret the City of Angels has a dubious reputation throughout the country. After a year out here I would say that many of those rumors hold truth and yet... overall... it's not that bad. People emphasize the "Love/Hate" relationship most have with LA, but mine is more of a "Kind of Like/ Mostly Dislike" relationship. I try to see the silver lining whenever I'm in a less than pleasant situation ("try" being the keyword). To be honest, I don't think anyone LOVES Los Angeles-- they love LA when life is good and hate LA when something shitty happens and that's not really love, is it? I'm going for a less fleetingly emotional approach with the perspective of one who observes.

Just so you know, neither Michael nor I saw this city as a long-term settlement when we moved out here: LA is a stepping stone onto bigger and better opportunities. Michael has a career he can basically do anywhere, and as a writer (yes, I've graduated myself from screenwriter to writer) so do I. However, we knew we had to start in Los Angeles. So here is what I've learned so far:

WEATHER

If you know someone living in California, you know they LOVE to brag talk about the weather. I can't speak for Northern California, but in LA the amazing weather and ocean breezes are only to be found BY THE OCEAN. Move away from the coast and it is HOT in the summertime (and apparently the early autumn as well-- ugh), pushing the 100's.  And don't let anyone ever tell you there's no humidity because that's just delusional.

Apparently it wasn't always like this. I've talked to many people who have lived in LA for more than 10 years (in one case over 30) and they admit the climate was never this ridiculous. I can even attest to the fact that when we moved here at the end of Sept last year, it was in the mid 70's until wintertime. If you want that gorgeous, cooler weather stick with Santa Monica. There's also oodles and oodles of sunshine. I love my Vitamin D as much as the next person, but I really miss overcast, rainy days which are prominent during the winter.

FOOD

Once the topic of weather has been exhausted, Los Angelites love recommending restaurants, especially out-of-the-way, hole-in-the-wall places that no one has ever heard of but them. The food is usually an infusion of some kind, a strange ethnicity, or a lifestyle such as vegan. And food trucks are big out here too. Honestly, the food selection, variety, availability in LA and the surrounding cities is incredible. One of the best parts of living here, in my opinion.

DRINK

Just like restaurants, there is a bar in LA to satisfy every taste and and style of person: modern, dive, hipster, etc. Celebrities, tourists, and those that love to party in style are attracted to West Hollywood. I have yet to go but I hear The Abbey is fantastic. Cocktails in LA, on average, run $10 and up, but are delicious as LA has some of the best mixologists behind the counter. However, I've enjoyed the food and drinks in Glendale (the city right next door to our neighborhood) and haven't felt the need to venture west.

ACTIVITIES

For such a dirty city-- and LA is SUPER DIRTY-- there are tons of places to go, things to do, and plenty of hiking. Citizens love their cars and they love their hiking trails... it's ironic. Plus to the north, south, and east are even more things to do: Disneyland, surfing, skiing, national parks, music festivals, wineries, etc. If you have a little money and transportation, you can have quite an active life out here.

PEOPLE

I've met great people in Los Angeles. While there is an assumption that LA is riddled with shallow, snobby people, I think that's true of any community in the world. Oh, and it's true that celebrities are everywhere-- it's the norm around here. I must say, it's odd because you see people that look familiar but you've never met and you can't place them...

Crazy is also an issue out here: there is an over OVER abundance of crazy people, homeless and otherwise, in LA. Sometimes it's unsettling because these people can be unpredictable. I've never lived anywhere I was uncomfortable walking alone at night-- including Chicago's South Loop-- LA is the first.

And finally--

DRIVING

I could write an entire blog (probably 2) on the idiocy of the roadways and drivers in Los Angeles. Oh, and the parking. Traffic-- LA's most notorious "troublemaker"-- is abundant but not that bad because one knows to expect it. It's the most frustrating when caught in event jams, say... like... stand still traffic for the Oscars.

However, it's the drivers themselves that cause the most frustration/ paranoia/ high blood pressure. A recent All State survey stated that every time you drive on the roads in LA, you risk a 76% chance of having an accident. At that rate I'd rather deal with snow! Jenna Marbles described LA drivers as 16 year old girls that just got their licenses-- totally true! Add cell phones, iPods, GPS and you've got roughly 11 million idiots driving huge weapons on a daily basis. It's incredible.

Am I being dramatic? Could I possibly be exaggerating?! Let's see... the first week our van was sideswiped while PARKED ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK of the mall garage. And no, they didn't leave a note.  It happened AGAIN a couple months later. Turn signals are nonexistent on the highways (okay, everywhere), drivers turning right on red treat their red light as a green light. I've actually had drivers use right turn lanes as left merge lanes.

Yet, strangely, these are the same drivers that sit and sit and SIT waiting for pedestrians to cross a 5 or 6 lane intersection when they have plenty of time to turn before the person(s) reach their part of the crosswalk. Sheesh.

Then there's the cluster fuck of highways and merges into each poorly labeled highway and roads that seem like they're going in one direction then take you in a completely different one. I was intimidated to drive for months because of the confusion. You know how each exit has a number? Directions will give you a number but the highway signs will only label the street-- you'll see the exit number on a small sign at the split of the highway and exit. Yeah... it's BRILLIANT.

Honestly, I'm excited for the day we leave LA, even if it's just moving an hour or so outside the city. I have no interest in clubs, the "scene," celebrities, or crazy. Yet LA is an interesting place for human study and growth, but you have to be careful. If you lack confidence in who you are, you're in danger of being corrupted by the desperation all over this city, as well as the fear and arrogance. I think that's why many people have nervous breakdowns and head to rehab.  Visit by all means but there are far more beautiful places to live in California... as long as you're not trying to make it in Hollywood.

Chicken Salad

For some unearthly reason, it's still stupidly hot in Los Angeles (100 degrees on October 1st? F**k me.) so I'm not cooking at all much. Not only does cooking require heat (duh) but the actual act also makes me warm. Blah. So chicken salad it is!!

In my extensive years as Someone-Who-Eats-Food, I've noticed there are two types of chicken salad: sweet and savory. I have a recipe for each, my sweet chicken salad recipe practically an exact copy of the Corner Bakery version. However, this is the savory one.

Super delicious as a sandwich...

To make this recipe (or any chicken salad recipe) even easier, skip the whole cooking chicken breasts/ boiling a chicken thing and just pick up an already roasted chicken at the grocer. It also saves on the heat and energy use at your place. Unless you're also making soup that requires broth: parboil a raw roasting chicken and BOOM! The liquid is automatic broth. You're welcome.

If your store has "flavored" chickens-- bbq, smokey, lemon & olive oil-- and hardly ever has plain like mine, go with something using rosemary, thyme, lemon, or olive oil. It adds a little extra zest to the salad too.

...or by itself.

Yes... I used mayo. Smart Balance Mayo since that's what was left in my fridge. And I just read that SB isn't so smart. Mayo is from the devil. Blah blah blah-- I'm not going to apologize anymore! I keep trying and changing my ways, but if I want to use mayo in my chicken salad then dammit-- I will! While Greek yogurt is great for sweeter versions, I don't think it would mix well with the green olives in this one. Same goes with Miracle Whip.

One final note: the problem with this recipe-- adapted from my mom-- is that I "eyeball" everything. So you might need to do a little tweaking to get the consistency just right... but hey, it's a great way to get the creative culinary juices flowing, right? RIGHT?!

Savory Chicken Salad

1 whole roasted chicken OR 3 chicken breasts parboiled OR 1 raw roasting chicken parboiled, remove skin, de-bone, and shred the meat

1 to 2 celery stalks, chopped fine

1/8 onion, chopped fine (optional)

1 cup small pimento stuffed green olives, sliced

2 to 3 Tbsp green olive juice

1 to 1-1/4 cups mayo (basically figure out how creamy you like it and go with that)

Fresh ground pepper & salt to taste

Put chicken, onion, celery, olives, salt, pepper, and olive juice into a medium bowl and mix well. Add mayo and stir until everything is well-coated. Let sit in the refrigerator for one hour. Serve plain or as a sandwich.

Taco Dip with Greek Yogurt

On Pinterest the other day, I saw a lovely pin for Skinny Taco Dip that gave me a mad craving for the treat. Having tried numerous grocery store taco dips full of calories and little flavor, I decided to attempt my own. 

One problem: my husband hates cream cheese. Plus the cream cheese/ sour cream mixture is full of cholesterol. So I substituted nonfat Greek yogurt. For fun and to include more green & cooling foods in my life, I added a layer of fresh guacamole as well. And I must say...

SUCCESS!!

As this is a party dip, it makes a lot.

Now you're craving taco dip, aren't you?

The results were worth the effort.

Taco Dip with Greek Yogurt

For the Dip:

16oz nonfat Greek yogurt

2 Tbsp homemade taco seasoning OR 1 packet of Taco Seasoning

8oz shredded cheddar cheese

1/4 head of shredded iceberg lettuce

3 tomatoes, chopped

15oz can of black olives, sliced

Chopped green onion as garnish

For the Guacamole: (optional)

3 avocados, mashed

Juice from 1/2 a lime

Tiny bit of chopped onion - to taste

2 dashes of tabasco

Pinch of Salt

In a medium bowl, mix yogurt with taco seasoning. Spread yogurt mixture evenly in the bottom of a 9x13 dish and chill in the fridge. 

Prepare the guacamole by mashing the avocados then adding all the ingredients listed. Also add 1 of the  chopped tomatoes. Spread guacamole evenly on top of the yogurt mixture.

Layer the rest of the ingredients in this order:

Cheese

Lettuce

Tomato

Black Olives

Green Onions

The Screenplay vs. The Novel

Continuing my writing series, I first talked about my process then tackled inspiration. Now I'm taking you down the more technical road to explain the differences between a screenplay and a novel (and there are many).  This may come as a shock, but writing a novel is different from writing a screenplay as they're two completely opposing mediums. Who knew??

All forms of art begin the same way: an idea. Depending on the interpretation, one idea elicits boundless results in many forms. Give ten painters one subject and no painting will resemble another. Give ten screenwriters one idea, one "logline" as its known in the Industry, and suddenly you'll have ten different films from which to choose.

After the "Idea" phase, the novel and the screenplay move in separate directions. Being an artistic medium made up entirely of paper and ink, a good book requires endless descriptions of people, places, things, smells, sounds, and emotions. Ever read Tolkien? Authors create entire worlds filled with cities made up of classes and communities full of diverse characters human or otherwise doing and saying interesting things. These stimulating visuals surround a story enriched by themes, philosophies, and conflicts hopefully felt in some degree by the reader to create connection. A novel IS the medium whereas a script is the blueprint of the medium of film.

Like the plans for a building laid out by an architect, a screenplay has parameters in which it must remain, the main two being time and structure. Most films are ninety minutes to two hours with exceptions like Disney animated features coming in around eighty minutes and large scale epics like Lord of the Rings reaching the three hour mark. Novice screenwriters will want to whittle FINAL drafts down to around ninety minutes. Conciseness is key in filmmaking as Time. Is. Money.

As for structure, if a script lacks proper structure and grammar, a Reader will throw it out. Period. Some executives make exceptions toward grammar if the story and characters are unbelievable. In terms of structure, each scene requires a scene heading, descriptions are short, dialogue is written with the character's name in all caps and his/her words centered underneath. Page numbers are in the top right corner, use black Courier font, a script must have a title page, and there are absolutely no pictures or gimmicks: let the film speak for itself.

Visual, present tense, action-filled writing is the only acceptable style for scripts. If a writer can't SHOW it then whatever "It" is needs to go; no subjectivity or emotions. Unless a screenwriter can show a character's feelings that part is left to directors and actors. For example, "Seeing his friend's grave made Aaron sad" is unacceptable and amateur. Something like "As Aaron reaches the top of the hill, a small gravestone reading "Dan Smith: Loyal Son, Brother, and Friend" comes into view. Approaching the stone, Aaron drops to his knees, pounds his fists into the ground, and sobs."

For fun (as I believe writing should ALWAYS BE FUN-- take that Hollywood!!), I stylize my writing when describing people (and places) as it keeps me on my toes. Instead of introducing a character as "JAMIE, 27, blond, tall, and heavy-set wearing skinny jeans and a T-shirt..." I would write "JAMIE, a long-legged 27 year old whose curvaceous frame remains stylish at any size with a perpetual smirk plastered on her perfectly made-up face..."

Dialogue is a whole other matter that will be saved for a future post.

Furthermore, the position of a Novelist is solitary work. You can lock yourself away in a remote cabin somewhere in the north woods with nothing but you and your computer, and write until your fingers fall off. Your publisher will send you notes for revisions. Writing the initial screenplay might require a Screenwriter to lock himself away until he finishes the first few drafts, but once the script moves into the hands of agents and producers, kiss any power you had over your work goodbye (unless you're Charlie Kauffman, Quentin Tarantino, or Aaron Sorkin). Everyone gets a say in the revisions, from financiers to producers to the director to the actors-- even other screenwriters may be brought in to rewrite the script. In fact, unless the writer is also producing and directing (and most of the time this spells disaster *cough* M. Night Shyamalan *cough*), he is last in the filmmaking chain of command.

Yet, the writing process and basics remain the same for novels and screenplays. Both need intriguing stories with compelling conflict; both require dimensional characters who elicit emotional reactions from readers. Every writer dreads the blank screen and blinking cursor, experiences Block, and thinks everything he writes is shit and he should have been a doctor like his parents always wanted. No work is ever complete and always needs further polish, though, as someone who grew up drawing and singing, this attitude is adopted by artists in any form.

So why do I write? Am I masochistic or utterly vain? I write because I have something to say and writing is the best way for me to do it.

Jane Austen Made Me Do It

Because I'm thoroughly in love with all fan fiction relating to Jane Austen and free stuff rocks, I was ecstatic when I won Jane Austen Made Me Do It from the editor Laurel Ann Nattress (signed too!) after winning a drawing at Barbara Tiller Cole's Darcyholic Diversions blog back in mid-July. 

And rightly so. 

Jane Austen Made Me Do It is a compilation of 22 short JAFF stories written by some of this literary community's prime authors, as well as one story by the winner of a JAFF writing contest.  The various adaptations range from Regent fiction to supernatural fiction, as well as stories starring Jane herself. Some are letters or journal entries while others involve humor and romance.

Not only is this book worth a read, but I'm thrilled to add JAMMDI to my collection because whenever I have a hankering to read JAFF but can't commit to a book, I can pop open a short story and get my "Austen Addict" fix.

Now, I must be honest-- I didn't love all the stories. Believe it or not, this is part of the charm. Jane Austen Made Me Do It will be loved by JAFF fans like myself yet is an even better resource for new readers of this genre because it offers a great variety of styles & authors to choose from as a way to learn one's JAFF preferences. 

In fact, I discovered that I tend to favor Regent stories like Monica Fairview's "Nothing Less Than Fairy Land" starring my favorite Austen characters over more modern adaptations, and even found a few more authors--like Jo Beverly's "Mistletoe Kiss" which is a wonderful Sense and Sensibility-esque Christmas story-- whose books I'd love to read.

Overall, a must read for any fan of Jane Austen and her fan fiction.

Rating 5 out of 5 stars