Quick Fire Review: Downton Abbey Season 3, Rise of the Guardians, Archer, Monster High

While I've been watching way more random crap than what I've posted on here, I thought I'd send out another Quick Fire Review to give you a few more things to check out (or not to check out as the case may be) in your free time. You're welcome.

Monster High

What the heck is it: A charming web series and collection of TV specials and films based on toys. Sounds like a terrible idea, I know, but I've watched two specials and the movie and loved them all! Seriously, the dialogue is clever, the stories are interesting, and it's funny! Plus, being a Lady Nerd, I love the fashions! (I want to be one of these characters for Halloween.... if I dressed up that is)

Who'll like it: Kids around the age of 8 (especially girls), monster fans, lovers of clever animated kids shows, people with good taste.

Where can I find it: I rented the films from Amazon, but you can find the first (New Ghoul At School), as well as the web series, on the Monster High website. I am so freaking excited to watch the episodes and see the new movie Scaris: City of Frights! NERD ALERT!!!

Rise of the Guardians

Based on The Guardians of Childhood young adult book series by William Joyce, Rise of the Guardians introduces everyone's favorite holiday and lore characters-- namely Santa, the Sandman, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy-- as guardians protecting the dreams and hopes of children around the world. This particular installment is the story of how Jack Frost became a guardian and faces off against The Bogeyman.

While the themes of belief and hope are alive and well, the character interpretations are interesting, and the animation really nice, the film lacks the wit and charm attributed to Disney, Pixar, and even Dreamworks's own How To Train Your Dragon. The humor is base, at best, and a few of the celebrity voice actors *cough* Hugh Jackman, Chris Pine (who never stops whispering!!), and Isla Fisher *cough* leave something to be desired. Honestly, I think the film would've gone up a few notches had they hired actual voice actors to play those roles. That being said, Alec Baldwin as Santa is FANTASTIC. He can keep voice-acting all he wants.

Feel free to get things done while you let Rise of the Guardians occupy your kids' attention.

Downton Abbey

Thanks to Masterpiece's website, I was able to catch up with season 3 of Downton Abbey because they post episodes for FREE while a series airs on PBS. How awesome is that?!

Have you seen the period drama about the changing Upstairs/Downstairs dynamic in early 1900's England? It's wonderfully cast, written, and shot, with rich sets and costumes. Season 3 takes you on a whirlwind of drama that will leave you shedding tears only to start laughing again when Dame Maggie Smith enters the room. 

She alone is a reason to watch Downton Abbey. The season finale was shocking, therefore ensuring I will be tuning in for season 4.

Archer

Season 3 of the wildly inappropriate, politically incorrect animated spy series Archer has arrived on Netflix! What can I say about Archer........ it's hilarious, ridiculous, and certainly NOT for children. Watch it, you won't regret it.... unless you're easily offended.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (if you have no expectations...)

As I'm writing this review two days after the DVD release of The Hobbit, it's a safe bet I already didn't believe the film worth theater prices (is anything these days?) plus gas and parking.

Let me first say..... I do not regret paying $3.99 for a streamed Standard Definition version of The Hobbit courtesy of Amazon. My love of the Lord of the Rings trilogy cemented my intent to see the its (sort of) prequel. In fact, I was pretty excited because I love the world and mythology of Middle Earth.

Therefore, it pains me to say that The Hobbit was far from exciting, interesting, or entertaining. It was a giant disappointment.

Sure, this CGI sponsored adventure looked beautiful, WETA did an incredible job with makeup & costumes, and it's nice that Peter Jackson still used sets and locations rather than only green screen. Major props to the crew.... get it? Wah wah wah!

And who can argue with Ian McKellen's reprisal of Gandalf, the stellar cast of dwarves, and the super sexy Richard Armitage as Thorin the Dwarf King? That's right: no one. All the actors did a fantastic job.

Yet the fact remains that The Hobbit is tedious. It's nearly three hours long and covers only the first third of the book in obnoxious detail. A two-part saga would've been acceptable and well-paced, or perhaps three films maxing out at 90 minutes each, but at the rate of 3 films at 3 hours a piece you might as well get the audio book and listen to it on your commute to and from work (at least you can get sh*t done that way).

Sure, there are a few good action sequences-- mainly the last 20 minutes-- but for example, the battle between the rock giants was random and happened quite coincidentally. Perhaps that's not how it happens in the book, but I'm talking about the film so stay with me!

Since movies and stories are my LIFE (dramatic!), I'm going to have my SUPER NERD moment: One big timeline inconsistency is casting Martin Freeman-- who is fantastic-- as Bilbo. Bilbo looks to be in his late thirties, early forties courtesy of Freeman actually being 40 at the time of filming and having boyish good looks. If my math is correct-- and it is because I used a calculator-- Bilbo would've been 51 at the time of the quest because it was 60 years prior to his 111th birthday. I know I know, who cares but I'm a detail person and these kinds of things get under my skin!

Plus, Gollum was given "unnatural long life" because the One Ring was in his possession, the same happened to Bilbo. So how was Gollum able to live another 60 years into the Lord of the Rings saga when Bilbo aged dramatically within weeks of giving up the ring? HOW?!

There may also be an inconsistency with Bilbo beginning his book on the actual day of his party (basically the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring) because I thought he was well into writing it when he left Frodo that night.  However, while I am a detail person, I don't feel like pulling out the dvd and piecing everything together because my cat is curled up sleeping next to me and it would be mean to wake him.

Overall, if you're a LOTR/Medieval fantasy fan, see The Hobbit. Despite the slow pace, you'll find moments to enjoy. I'm not sure it's worth a DVD purchase, but a rental is fine. I am hoping (against all odds) the other two will be more engaging so I can justify purchasing the trilogy when it's finally on blu-ray. My LOTR collection won't feel complete without it!

Obviously, if you're anything but a fan of the series, save yourself the three hours. You'll thank me.

Cheesy Veggie "Pasta" Bake

I'm going to be straight with you: this is a casserole.

However, the term "casserole" has an archaic, dated, I-refuse-to-turn-into-my-mother feel to it, so Foodies have started calling them "bakes." 

Please note: they're the same thing.

I'm hoping that in a few years, casseroles will make like the Crockpot and become "retro" so we can all be straightforward again.

Anyway, while wasting time researching recipes on Pinterest, I came across this gluten-free Cheesy Veggie "Pasta" Bake by Jenny Sugar and knew it was destiny.

Can you tell I use my stoneware dish a TON?!

Casserole-Bakes have gotten a bad rep because they're usually full of starchy pasta swimming in a sea of sodium rich, preservative laden condensed soup. Another reason why I heart this delightful dish made from simple ingredients and substitutes spaghetti squash for spaghetti.

Take heed, it's work chopping/dicing/shredding everything, but the result is worth the time. If you have a hand chopper like this one I use from Pampered Chef or are a whiz with a food processor-- I own one but I'm afraid of it-- the Cheesy Veggie Bake is a good time to utilize such tools.

From the fridge-- it tastes even better leftover!

In typical "Chef Jamie Style," I wrote "tomato" on my shopping list, even said the word "tomato" out loud in the produce section of the grocery store, yet somehow never actually bought a tomato.

Not to worry, I just added a can of petite diced tomatoes and halved the tomato sauce to balance out the liquid. In addition, I had a third of a large mozzarella block leftover from another recipe, so I diced that sucker up and mixed the small chunks in with the veggies, only using half the bag of shredded mozzarella.

The lack of spices in the ingredients list made me nervous, so I sprinkled a bunch of oregano and basil over the veggies.

Best.Idea.Ever.  24 hours later my apartment still smelled like an Italian restaurant.  

Speaking of veggies, I doubled the zucchini and chopped the carrots because I absolutely can't stand shredding them. It all worked out fine. Short on time, I totally tried cooking the spaghetti squash in the microwave even though I scoffed at Jenny Sugar's claim that it would actually cook in 8-12 minutes. It really did cook! Seriously, I will be making way more spaghetti squash now that I know I can just microwave that sucker.

It's incredible and a great way to get kids to eat their veggies. It makes a great meal or side dish; next time I'm throwing in a pound of ground turkey/beef/pork (whatever's on sale) and an onion to really make this a main dish.

All in all-- you should make this. Normally the word "should" is considered bossy, but I'm bossing you around and commanding you to try this.

*Please note, the recipe below reflects my alterations, but you can find the original via the link at the top of the blog post.

Gluten-Free Cheesy Veggie "Pasta" Bake

Ingredients

1 whole spaghetti squash

2 tbsp olive oil

2 zucchini, diced

1 carrot, chopped 

1 red pepper, chopped

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 1/2 tsp dried oregano (to taste)

1 1/2 tsp dried basil (to taste)

12oz can petite diced tomatoes, drained 

8oz can tomato sauce

1/4 to 1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

12oz bag shredded mozzarella

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. 

Pierce spaghetti squash all over with a sharp knife, place in a microwave safe dish, and cook for 8-12 minutes until soft. If you don't have a microwave, you can bake the pierced squash for 45-60 minutes at 375 degrees. 

When cooked, slice squash in half length-wise, scoop out seeds, and use a fork to flake off the flesh from the peel so it resembles spaghetti. It should come off easily. Place flesh in ungreased 9x13 baking dish.

While the squash cooks, heat olive oil, carrots, zucchini, garlic, and red pepper in a skillet over medium heat. Cook until soft, about 10 minutes, then add vegetables to the squash. Toss in the tomatoes, sauce, spices, and half the cheese and mix well. Sprinkle the remainder of the cheese over the top.

Bake for 30 minutes or until the cheese is bubbly. Let stand for 5 once finished baking. Enjoy!

Substitutions and Add-ons

To make this a heartier main dish, add a pound of ground meat of your choice and toss in a 1 medium yellow onion for flavor. If you decide to do this, here are the instructions: 

• Brown the meat, onion, and garlic together in a large skillet. Drain fat. Add the tomato sauce and spices to the meat mixture and simmer for 3 minutes. Place in 9x13 dish. Wipe the skillet clean and reuse for the rest of the veggies.

If you want added protein but don't want to use meat, add 2 cups of cooked quinoa.

For a creamier, cheesier casserole, mix in 1/2 to 1 cup ricotta cheese instead of the mozzarella. I'd increase the spices too if you do this.

Substitute yellow or Mexican squash for the zucchini.

Substitute 1 tomato, diced for the can of diced tomatoes. If you do this, you'll need 16oz of tomato sauce.

To make this even easier, skip the onion, garlic, tomato sauce, and spices and substitute with 16oz of your favorite marinara sauce.

You can use any color pepper you want.

If you'd like to see more of the recipes I love on Pinterest, follow me here.

Minestrone Soup

Even though the weather is warming up in SoCal-- 80's all week, what happened to Spring?!-- most of the country is slowly defrosting from ridiculous amounts of snow.

So why not heat things up with a Paleo friendly Minestrone Soup? 

That's a rhetorical question.

It's jammed packed with veggies and a pound of super lean ground beef. Vegetarians, feel free to add quinoa or tempeh or soy something or other instead. 

I adapted this from my mom's recipe which includes bacon and pasta, but Michael's system doesn't handle greasy food well and I hate  dislike cooking bacon (I'm a wuss when it comes to grease splatter). And I left out the beans because they don't agree with my system, yet strangely I do just fine with Peeps and Cadbury Creme Eggs (omg I love Easter candy!). To add a little starch, I substituted chopped carrots instead.

Soup is so great because you can just throw sh*t in a pot and it'll turn out pretty good.

Yum.

Minestrone Soup

1# ground beef

2 large onions (or 4 medium), diced

2 cups celery, diced

2 cloves garlic, minced

16-20oz. fresh spinach

3-4 carrots, chopped

8 cups water

12oz. can tomato paste

1 cup fresh parsley, chopped

2 tsp thyme leaves

2 tsp salt

1 tsp oregano

4 large zucchini, diced (I used Mexican squash)

In large soup pot, brown ground beef with onions, celery, carrots, and garlic. Drain any fat. Add water, tomato paste, parsley, thyme, salt, and oregano. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 15 minutes. Add spinach and zucchini. Cover and simmer 15 minutes. 

Serve with grated parmesan.

Substitutions/Add-ons

If you love bacon-- and most men people do-- add 4oz diced bacon. Fry the bacon first then add in the beef & veggies.

If you love carbs-- and most people do-- add 1 cup elbow macaroni, cooked al dente when the soup is finished.

Substitute 15oz kidney beans for the carrots (or add them in as well), add when you add the spinach & zucchini.

Substitute 8 cups beef broth instead of water for a heartier flavor.

Even though I used sirloin ground beef for a lean soup, if you don't like red meat, substitute 1# ground pork or turkey.

Another Long Weekend

Once again, I find myself avoiding the blog-o-sphere because of a sick cat. 

Remember a few weeks ago when Cooper was in the hospital because of a blocked urethra? Well this past Saturday we got to experience the fun all over again with Niko.

Only this time it was worse.

My darling boy Niko - Wisconsin, 2011

Despite the changes toward a healthier diet with more water incorporated into his food, Niko developed a urine crystal blockage overnight last Friday. He threw up late Friday and Saturday morning, but that happens since he's a ridiculously fast eater. Maternal Instincts on high alert, I decided to monitor his behavior and by 2pm we were on our way to the Eagle Rock 24 hour Emergency Clinic since our vet across the street was closed.

In the course of the 20 minutes it took us to get there, Niko had gone from partially to fully blocked. As you know from my other post, that is DANGEROUS. We learned later on that a clogged urethra can also cause a fatal arrhythmia. So, Niko went through the same treatment as Cooper, everything looked normal, and we brought him home Sunday night.

We watched him, gave him some soaked dry food as we were waiting for Chicken wet food we ordered, and let him explore the apartment. He was happy to be home. Temporarily.

Niko recovering.

As I prepared the cat food Monday morning, I noticed Niko squatting.

Let me illustrate how smart my gray boy is: when he has a urine crystal problem (this happened 2 years ago as well), Niko either tries to pee in my tub-- I frequent the bathroom a lot with my "old lady" bladder-- or comes near us and squats to pee. Because he NEVER pees outside the litter box, that's how we know something is wrong.

I told Michael we needed to get to our vet ASAP: normally a little urine comes out when he squats, but nothing was coming out.  Niko even looked at me and let out a sad cry-- a full bladder is hard and painful.

The plan was the same: flush the bladder, catheterize Niko, and observe to make sure everything is gone. However, not one of the five doctors at the clinic could get the catheter in. Fortunately they drained the bladder so Niko wasn't in any immediate danger, but without using a catheter the only other option was an expensive surgery to remove his penis and give him a hole to pee out of (yes.... a sex change to put it bluntly).

Because of our previous expenses with Cooper and the long weekend at the ER, this was not an expense we could consider, though I was not above begging friends and family for money. Not to mention after I researched the surgery further, there are other complications, some cats do well, others don't, behaviors may change, the cat could block again, and it opens the feline up to bacterial infections.

So by Monday at 3:30pm, Michael and I had resolved to put Niko to sleep.

One of two IV spots on Niko's front legs.

It was by no means an easy decision, as evidenced by my swollen red eyes, heaving sobs over the bathroom sink, and the sick feeling in my stomach. Michael and I took turns crying, shaking... I spent a portion of my day angry as hell at Veterinarians and their conflicting information, the shelter that told us never to give Niko wet food, the pet food companies that put all this sh*t in their products, the City of Los Angeles for its hard water that causes mineral build up in cats (they should only drink diluted), and myself for not knowing any of this until it was too late.

~

At the Los Feliz Small Animal Hospital, retired veterinarian Dr. Hall volunteers Mondays because he loves animals that much. He continues to read the medical journals and research pet food diets.

Dr. Hall was Niko's doctor on Monday, has a few cats of his own, and knew what we were going through.... so he decided to try an experimental, low cost, non-surgical attempt at saving Niko. With a mixture of removing urine in the bladder with a syringe, giving Niko anti-inflammatories, and having him on IV fluids, the hope was to get the catheter Tuesday so he could come home Wednesday.

SUCCESS! 

Cooper missed his brother.

Niko is back home with us, thinner, exhausted, and rather unhappy about the whole ordeal (not that I blame him).  He was the star of the clinic since they'd never tried this method before and the chances of his recovery were incredibly slim.

The key now is for Niko to eat a special wet food diet, get lots of diluted water, and avoid dry food and fish. Unfortunately, Niko is also the pickiest-- and when I say that I am NOT exaggerating-- and most stubborn cat on the planet. He's still holding out for his favorite tuna, and after trying the canned Weruva Chicken, Weruva Nine Livers, Fancy Feast Beef and Tuna, and Royal Canine Urinary Tract C/D, all he wants is the dry prescription food.

Oi.

He won't even eat the dry food if I put water on it. If he doesn't eat soon we'll be back at the hospital for temporary fluids to go under his skin until we can get him to eat.

So, while I'm thrilled Niko is home, I'm still on edge about his lack of hunger and thirst. My absence on here may continue while this goes on and I search for a job-- at this point ANY job-- in Los Angeles. Please send good vibes my way.

I also want to add a special thanks to my parents who cried along with us and felt the worry and sadness of losing such a special cat. They continue to amaze me with their endless support so I'm beyond thrilled they get to fly first class to a week long getaway in Hawaii!

~

You may be wondering-- with all the stress, emotional strain, and expense-- if I regret adopting cats.

Never. Even if things were to go south again, I wouldn't trade the last 4 and a half years spent with the oddest little gray cat I've ever met. Niko may not be a lap cat, but he shows affection through nudges and sleeping on our feet. He talks to us, leads us to what he wants-- food, a clean litter box, a toy-- loves exploring new territories, and creepily stares at me in bed until I give him breakfast.

No matter how many times Michael and I have to force his mouth open to give him medication or how miserable he is when the vet examines him, Niko never bites, nips, or scratches. 

Niko is a gentle soul. 

2013 Oscars Red Carpet

The Oscars, as the Academy now permits we can call it even though we've called it that for years (take that, "Academy Awards!"), aired Sunday night and since most of us have no say in who goes home with a little gold statue, you know what that means.......  It's time to judge people we don't know and will probably never meet based solely on what they're wearing!!! 

So for me it's just like any other day.

Before you start asking what I thought of the show-- I didn't watch it. No channels :(  You're all invited to my pity party after the blog! 

I'm hoping to catch up on clips, performances, and speeches after writing this... but I may play solitaire instead. And being the hypocrite I am living near Hollywood and submitting spec scripts to writing programs at studios, I literally saw ONE of the films nominated: Brave. Here's what I thought of it.

Let's get the easy stuff out of the way: Jennifer Lawrence.

I mean, duh. She's the favorite, reaching the top of many "Best" lists and I'm not going to fight about it.  Who would argue with a soft pink puffy cotton candy dress with a pattern resembling Cottonelle Ultra? 

Oscar Fashion was all over the place this year, a refreshing change from the snoozefest at the Golden Globes. I saw quite a bit of futuristic sequins, shoulder pads & sleeves, pale on pale, and a few poor souls that just didn't give a sh*t.

Pale on Pale

You can't see where the dress ends and the actress begins.

Remember when Amy Adams used to wear color?

Google does. 

My eyes hurt looking at these pictures. Seriously.

Amanda Seyfried looks delicate if not a little breakable due to her slight frame and lacy-ish dress. However, Amy has a more dramatic silhouette despite wearing a dress resembling that Sunday school art project where you make flowers out of glue, tissue paper, and the eraser end of a pencil. Best Dressed.

Worst Dressed: Anne Hathaway paired a chunky choker with a high neckline, you can see every crease, and the darts are giving her false nipples.

Is this an awards show or a Sci-Fi movie?

Dresses from The Future.

Naomi Watts

Nicole Kidman ~ Stacey Keibler

Worst Dressed: Kudos to Nicole Kidman for getting her plastic surgery face under control, but her dress has SWIRLS on it. And I'm pretty sure the detail on her abdomen is Batman's belt (which, if I'm being honest, should put her in "Best Dressed").

Best Dressed: Naomi Watts because duh. She looks incredible and I almost gave her "Best Dressed" overall because it's a unique cut.

Shoulder Pads

Why?

Jane Fonda looks like she stepped out of the 80's-- a classy version of the 80's that's no excuse for having a puckered seam up the front of her dress. I can't believe I'm going to say this: Halle Berry pulls off shoulders pads. Congrats, girlfriend.

Sleeves

Jennifer Hudson ~ Marcia Gay Harden

Sally Field

Sleeves are finicky things because even an inch can make a difference. Despite the scaly dress, Jennifer Hudson's slightly off the wrist sleeve adds length to her arms while Sally Field's hands appear abnormally large thanks to hers (though not even a couple inches off the sleeves could save that dress).  Never mind Marcia Gay Harden's arm length, what about the arm width? The detail is terrible. Lose the sleeves altogether and you've got a great dress. Maybe add a wrap if you're feeling saucy.

Dapper Dudes

Because men in tuxes are sexy.

Chris Evans ~ Chris Pines

Christoph Waltz & Bradley Cooper ~ Jean Dujardin 

Are you a bow or skinny tie gal/guy? I love me a skinny tie but nothing could make these handsome gentlemen look bad.
Best Dressed: Jean Dujardin because I'm all about a Silver Fox.

Curvy

Melissa McCarthy ~ Octavia Spencer

 

Adele ~ Queen Latifah

As I stare at Melissa McCarthy I wonder where Stacy and Clinton from "What Were They Thinking" are when you need them. Nothing.... NOTHING is right about it. In fact, I'm confident someone took a gray jersey sheet, draped, pinned, and hemmed it, glued on a few details and called it a dress. And whoever did it decided to wrap and pleat the fabric around the biggest part of her belly!  As a plus size woman with a large abdomen, I understand the limits and frustrations just trying to dress normally, let alone for the Oscars, but come on! At least wear black. And don't poof your hair. Worst Dressed, no question.

Best Dressed: Queen Latifah for elegance, class, and dressing for her body. Fabulous.

"I Don't Give A Sh*t"

And they don't.

Renee Zellweger

Helena Bonham Carter ~ Kristen Stewart

I realize Renee Zellweger's dress is cut well for her body in spite of the cheap looking fabric, but I'm pretty sure I wore my hair the same way on days I knew I wouldn't leave the house. Yet it can't compare to the rat's nest living-- literally-- on Helena Bonham Carter's head, a fitting style for her "I  hate the Red Carpet and want everyone to know it" dress. We get it, Helena, you're above the shallow practice of parading your beauty for all the world to admire or criticize. If that's how she feels, fine, but then opt out of it.

And Kristen. Pretty sure we all know she's uncomfortable about public admiration but that's no excuse to wear an ill-fitting gown that's totally wrong for her figure and coloring. Worst Dressed.

Best Dressed goes to Helena for that epic expression on her face.

I'd like to thank...

Jessica Chastain for her incredible recovery from that blue monstrosity she wore to the Globes.

Catherine Zeta-Jones for being Welsh and still making that dress exotic.

Jennifer Aniston for haunting me with that redundant strapless red A-line gown we saw Jennifer Lawrence and Zooey Deschanel wearing at the Globes. 

(I swear it's the same dress and these women just pass it around)

Helen Hunt for keeping the phrase "You get what you pay for" alive and well. The money must have gone to her hair and makeup because those look fantastic.

Kerry Washington for her continuous Fashion near misses. She's beautiful but she never quite makes the mark.

Charlize Theron for the Red Carpet "white" moment. Classy.

Olivia Munn for the "wrapped comforter" look. It's as if the red skirt is slowly consuming her slight frame.

My apologies if this post, like the Oscars, also dragged on way too long, but we've reached the conclusion. Once again, I chose interesting over trendy. Gowns and dresses that hold my attention for the right reasons will be considered first.

Without further delay............

Best Dressed

Zoe Saldana

I realize the dress isn't perfect: there's too much going on with the bodice. However, the silhouette is gorgeous, white is amazing on Zoe's skin, and the train grabs your attention. Even with the top half, there's so much potential: remove the belt and bow or just the belt. Make the feathery bust plain, take off the bow, and add a dark gray belt... or no belt at all. Not to mention her hair and less-is-more accessories complete the ensemble.

Worst Dressed

Brandi Glanville

There's sexy, there's classy, and then there's this dress. With a train resembling sheep's wool. Toss on a fake tan, large red lip, and glitter platforms and Brandi-With-An-I Glanville has achieved all the (negative) attention a Real Housewife from Beverly Hills could ever want.

Thanks for reading and thanks again to all of the beautiful ladies who suffer in Spanx and sky high heels, skip eating the week before the red carpet, and smile for hours while being blinded by camera flashes.

Let me ask YOU: did you enjoy the Oscars? How about the fashions?? I love comments and will respond so post away!

Thanks to Yahoo! and The Hollywood Reporter for the photos. You're rock stars.

Primal Fudge and Accidental Banana Bites

It would be easy to go all "dramatic" on ya and say fudge is "the best thing ever," but let's be serious: there are plenty of things better than fudge. Love, Disney, a Burberry bag, sex. All better than fudge. 

However, fudge makes the things that are better... better. Does that make sense? Probably not so let's look at the numbers.

Love + Fudge = better

Disney + Fudge = better

Burberry + Fudge = better

Sex + Fudge = XXX

See what I mean? Math makes the world go round. Only... real, sugar packed fudge hurts my teeth and my waistline. Fortunately, I found this super easy Primal Fudge recipe just chillin' out on Pinterest and thought I'd give it a try since I had the ingredients.

I used natural peanut butter instead of almond maybe because I had 3 different open jars of it in the apartment.... don't judge.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Let it be known this was my second attempt at making the fudge. The first time I got a bit... arrogant and thought I wouldn't need muffin papers and scooped the soft chocolate into my mini-muffin tin to make baby primal fudge "cups." Not only did they all fall apart, but the tin was also a pain in the ass to clean.  I'm talking 10 minutes standing over a sink full of dark brown water. Ew.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: learn from me.

The second time around I used an 8x8 pan lined with wax paper. I spread the chocolate evenly, froze it for 10 minutes then cut a bunch of uneven rectangular pieces. I think the next time I make this (and there will be a million more "next times"), I'll precut pieces by using a knife in the soft fudge. 

During my first attempt, I had a bunch of leftover soft chocolate. Feeling creative-- and a little sassy-- I cut 2 bananas into big chunks and used a toothpick to coat them in the fudge. Then I covered them in shredded coconut I'd bought on one of my more whimsical days and created frozen peanut butter chocolate coconut banana bites. (Ideas for a shorter name are welcome)

If you love the unbeatable combo of peanut butter, chocolate, and banana make a double batch of the fudge, pick up a bunch of bananas, and go crazy. If you use almond, cashew, or especially hazelnut butter, might I suggest trying it out on strawberries?

This is such a versatile, superbly easy little fudge recipe that even if you're not doing the Paleo thing, I promise you and your kids will love love love it. The best part? There's no "cooking" required. Now go satisfy your chocolate craving!

Primal Fudge

1/2 cup coconut oil

1/2 cup cocoa powder

1/2 cup smooth nut butter 

1/4 raw honey or high quality maple syrup (I used Archer Farms Grade A)

1/2 tsp vanilla (I used organic)

Melt the coconut oil. Blend all ingredients together in a food processor or blender. Pour into paper-lined muffin tin cups, silicon muffin cups, or spread in a paper-lined 8x8 pan. If using muffin tins, fill each cup 1/2-inch full. If using a pan, trace squares in the chocolate for easier cutting. 

Chill for 30 minutes or freeze for 10 minutes. When firm, remove and cut if necessary. Store in air tight container in the fridge or freezer.

For the Banana Chunks

After making the fudge, cut bananas* into 1 inch pieces. Using a toothpick (or fork if you don't have any), roll each chunk in chocolate mixture until coated. Then cover each piece with shredded coconut** and place on a baking pan or dish lined with wax paper.

Once all the pieces are finished, place in freeze for 10-20 minutes until hardened. Store in an air tight container in the freezer ONLY. 

* I used 2 bananas for about half the batch, so for a whole batch you'll need 4-6.

**If you don't like or have an allergy to coconut, you can leave the banana pieces plain OR add a chopped nut of your choice for a little crunch. The frozen bananas at fairs have peanuts.

Thanks to Practical Paleo for sharing this recipe! For more amazing whole food recipes and how to shop Paleo at commercial grocers, check out her blog here.